This is NOT an image from my wreck. So many have asked me about my accident and I know they have burning questions they feel might be too hard to ask me so I'm going to help you all out and answer some I'm thinking might be playing in your mind.
A couple of mos. ago I was involved in a multiple car collision. I will not go into specifics here, simply out of respect for others involved that might read this blog. Let me just state the fact though.... I was not at fault.
Yes, I still find it hard to say that, much less write it. Losing someone in an accident is a burden those involved in the crash will forever carry. Whether personal fault or not; it hurts either way, people.
Did the wreck itself hurt?
Ummmm.. YES!! It hurt both physically and emotionally. This tragic event will never be erased from memory, but that's okay. It makes me who I am. Hopefully, it will teach others to drive carefully and responsibly. If you don't drive with caution and care, may God have mercy on you. Physically, I felt intense pain in my back and left side. Throughout that day, my chest started to hurt more and more and then the coughing came about and then the loss of oxygen plagued me. Not fun times.
Watching someone fly through a windshield and collapse is emotionally tormenting.. It haunts me still and I don't think it will ever go away. I haven't shared these feelings or thoughts with one soul. This image is burned into my being and it wakes me up at night. To watch this event unfold and to be helpless and unable to rush and be of service to another human who is suffering is like watching someone hit your mother. It feels that bad. It's taxing to the mind and body.
What was it like to watch the accident happen (watch the wreck occur before your eyes)?
Good God alive, it is absolutely the most horrifying experience and the most silencing.
Let me explain. To watch an SUV come barreling at you out of the middle of nowhere and be powerless to stop it or get out of the way is so frightening. I could only compare it to those in The Twin Towers on 9-11 watching a big machine coming at them and having nowhere to run for safety. It's so scary.
It's also silencing in a way that you want to scream in fear, but you have no air in your lungs. You're paralyzed completely. No emotion, no commotion, no nothing. Not enough time to panic and not enough time to call for help or to call those you love and tell them you might not be speaking again so you will forever be with them and love them. No time to react. None of it.
Does your life flash before your eyes?
I think for every crash victim this answer might be answered differently. For me, NO!!! People, there is NO time for any flashes of any kind other than "Oh s*#t!" "NO!" "Stop!" "God, help me!" It is plain awful! I'd love to say there was an instant movie of my life that played before the day went dark for me, but there was no Clark Griswold Christmas movie footage playing, not even Cousin Eddie or Snots. Just a lot of darkness and fuzz (like when your cable goes out). This happened because I blacked out, not because I am a heathen, y'all.
I'd love to say that I thought of my girlfriend, my mother, brother, best friend or even my father who I lost years ago in an auto accident. But, they didn't enter my mind until I was scooped up by the fine EMS folks.
I thought about my girlfriend and how upset she'll be and then instantly thought of my mom and how my accident is going to pierce her soul in a way I'd never want. I thought about God and if I had honored him and made him proud the way he wanted. I thought about those things.... the 'What Ifs' and then the 'So What Ifs' and then the 'Why the hell am I thinking this way? I am not dying!'
So, I hope these things helped some of you. If you do have questions, don't ever be afraid to ask me. Remember, we learn from each other. We have nothing if we don't have communication!
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